Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Missin' my boy....

Thinking about my Brady boo as I sit here curled up on the couch under our memory quilt. (Click Here to see pictures of this amazing quilt!) So many memories as I look at each pattern. Each peice of material (outfit) represents so much... I can see you wearing each one.. and a story follows every peice. I am so thankful to have this beautiful quilt, it makes me feel close to you.
But it's not the same...
What I wouldn't give to have you here with me.. to cuddle with, to hug and kiss, to giggle with...

N asked alot of hard questions today.. His random outburts of thoughts/questions/comments about you.. and the accident have become more frequent. They are still so out of the blue. Today it caught me off guard... more than usual. He was asking questions about that day. I guess it's his way of slowly processing all the things he heard and saw.
But today, it was Hard...
Brought so many things back.
So many thoughts...
So many memories...
So much pain.
How I wish I could erase that day from my mind.. forever.

I can't believe how close we are getting to the anniversary of that day.... How in the world?!... I can't even hardly wrap my mind or thoughts around it...

Wish I had the right answers, the right responces to give Bubby.... I wish I could get inside his head. I want to badly to do all that I can for him... to help him in his own grief journey. If the answers only came easier.. if only I had an instruction book and new the right things to do and say for him....
I worry about him getting older... and how all this will play out in his life. So young, so fragile.. no little child should ever have to experience what he already has...
No family should ever have to experience what our family has...
It sucks...
It's so Hard...
It Hurts...

Not much to say today... just missing you so much...

I love you baby boy... can't wait till the day when I hold you in my arms again.

3 comments:

staceyrkennedy said...

I came accross your blog from His Will Wednesday. I don't read through all of them, but yours caught my eye and I have been reading it since. I am praying for your peace as you go through this struggle.

Stacey

MomBrose said...

I have been praying for you and your family and I just keep hearing the word "forgive." I don't know your story or what happened, but I feel strongly that the Lord wants me to pass along that word to you. Praying for a peace that is beyond our understanding to flood your heart and soul each day. And especially as the anniversary of Brayden's passing nears.
God bless you and your family.

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

Michelle - You are always on my mind and in my prayers. I am so sorry for the loss you have suffered. Whatever the circumstances, I pray that God will cover your older little boy that is asking the questions, with peace and comfort. Perhaps when he is older, he will be able to understand more. For now, I pray a shield of protection and peace around all of you. I know you will never get over his loss, but I pray that the Lord will help the memories become easier to think about.