Sunday, June 13, 2010

What are you waiting for?

Over the past few weeks this song as begun to mean so much to me. As I was contiplating in my mind the ideas we had for advocacy and the non-profit, I found myself full of fear and doubt. I knew in my heart that this was something I truly felt a calling to do my I allowed my guilt, shame and insecurities to get in the way.
One morning, just after the evening my sister and I began putting our thoughts and ideas together and on paper, I heard this song come on the radio. I know I had heard it numerous times before... but this time was different. I heard it like I never had before, I heard it loud and clear. "What are you waiting for? What do you have to lose? "
It's so true... what was I waiting for? I have already lost the most important thing, my son... now I need to get out and make a difference so that others don't have to suffer that same loss.
"You know your made for more..." God has promised to work all things to the good... I know that he has more for me, better things, He can, and will use me to make a difference.
As I step out in faith, trust Him and lean on His strength I do believe my fear will fall to the ground, that my insecurities will fade away. I'm stepping out, though I'm broken, though I'm not sure what lies ahead, I'm trusting in the promise that "He will not let me go."

"I CAN do All things through Christ who strengthen's me. " "Lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him... and He will guide your path"
The prayer of my heart is that God will open the doors He has for us. That lives will be touched, and saved, and that through my pain He will bring out something good.

I wanted to share the lyrics of the song for you... Hope they bless you as they have and continue to speak to me.

Walk on the Water
By Britt Nicole

You look around and staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under
You wonder
What if I'm overtaken
What if I never make it
What if no one's there
Will you hear my prayer?
When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that he won't let you go

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

So get out and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait
And don't you turn around, and miss out on
Everything you were made for
Gotta be, I know you're not sure, more
So you play it safe, you try to run away
If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

Step out, even when it's storming
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you,
Telling you to give up
Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are waiting, what are you waiting for

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water,
Walk on the water too

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Angelversary Balloons for Brayden

This year, for Brayden's 2nd "Angelversary" we deicded to go to a local park. The whole SC family came along on a hot yet windy Sunday evening for our traditional Balloon Release.

Big Brother, Nathaniel, always enjoys helping and being a part of the releases. The balloons have become special to him and he often will 'send his balloon to Brayden' with a hug and kiss throughout the year.
As we have done in the past, we wrote messages on the balloons to Brayden, saying how much we love and miss him.

This year was extra special as the kids were all older and participated more than usual. Nathaniel and Paulie both enjoyed decorating their balloon and Nathaniel wrote special messages to his lil brother. Even Elliana, with Nana's help, decorated a balloon to send up.

A dear friend (and adopted family member) wrote a special message for us to use for the balloon release. It is our hope that others who find the balloons will be blessed and may read about the story of Brayden.

As we honor and remember Brayden's life, it is a day of celebration and smiles. Though there are tears, there is also laughter and joy.

Each on of us took the time to send up our balloons to Brayden, and watched as they flew up to the sky...

It offers a sweet comfort as we take a tangible item, as the balloon, and release it up to Heaven. Though we may never know what Heaven is like until we get there, we chose to believe that Brayden is there, looking down on us. We ask that Jesus will give him special hugs and kisses for us and "collect the balloons" for Brayden, sharing our special messages with him, on this special day.

Those who are not close by to be with us, are often with us in Spirit. We wrote messages and sent up special balloons for friends and family members from around the world.
Papa and Gramma sent us this beautiful bouquet of flowers this year to remind us that they hold us close in their hearts and are thinking about all of us this day. It was such a sweet suprise and brought us a smile as we thought of them and looked at the flowers that brightened up our living room.

Brayden, you are missed and loved so much. We chose to celebrate you, and all the wonderful moments we had with you. Can't wait till the day when we will see you and hold you again.
We love you!!!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Something to Smile about...

We never checked the mailbox yesterday... so as I opened it up to get the mail today, a smile crept across my face.

I made a decision a little over a week ago to take a step of faith...

and God ordained and chose this day for me to open this very special, important piece of mail.

Our family is growing again!!

...and NO! I am NOT pregnant!! :)

Meet Diluni!!!!

Diluni lives with her Mommy and Daddy in Sri Lanka, and is our new sponsored child. There are many things that make sweet Diluni special, but most of all it is a very special day that she shares with another very special someone.

Diluni was born on January 5, 2007, the very same day that Brayden was born.

We are so excited to be a part of lil Diluni's life and watch her grow. We will be praying for her, writing to her, and helping to support her physical, emotional, educational and spiritual needs.

I am so blessed to be able to allow God to use us to touch another life.

We are not quite sure how we are going to be able to do this financially but we know that God will make a way. It has been on my heart for some time to sponsor a child born this day and I believe this is a step in obedience and trust that I need to take.

Please join us in praying for sweet little Diluni, and for us as well that God will continue to provide for us financially, and will use us in the life of this precious child and her family... so many miles away.

"Jesus said, ...whomever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me." Matthew 18:5

Looking Up in this Downpour...

Today has been another one of those days...
We have made it through, but feel drained, and blah.

It feels like a beating, a downpour...

Yet I am encouraged, I feel loved, and blessed,
and I know we can keep going on.

I find the strength in Him to look Up in this Downpour...
To stand strong, though I feel so weak,
Knowing so many are here to help carry me.

I am blessed.

One moment at a time, one step in front of the other, one deep breath as we walk together...
The journey contines...
Our story is not over.

"In the midst of my anxieties within me, your comforts delight my soul." Psalm 94:19

"Those who sow in tears, will reap with joy." Psalm 126:5

"And we know that in ALL things God works for the Good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Found this poem and it really spoke to how my heart feels today...

Just one little peek into heaven,
Is all I'm asking for today.
I just want to know how he's doing,
And heaven seems so far away.
Is he playing on the clouds with angels?
Is he laughing and running today?
Does he miss me?
I guess only he knows.
Oh why does heaven seem so far away?
If you just let me look for a moment,
To catch a glimpse of his sweet smiling face,
I promise I won't try to take him,
I know, he's in a better place.
Just one little peek into heaven,
Is all I'm asking for today.
I just want to know how he's doing,
Since heaven seems so far away...
-Callie Sanders Thornton

Missing you so much today baby boy... but knowing you rest in the arms of Jesus and are celebrating with so many loved ones who join you there. Asking Jesus to give you big hugs and kisses for Mommy tonight. Sending extra for this, your Heaven Day.
I love you more than you will ever know, I love you more than words can say. Can't wait until that day when we will be together again.
Sweet Baby... Let Jesus Hold you... till Mom and Dad can hold you... again.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

2 years...

Two long years... that flew by way to fast.
I still can't hardly wrap my head around the facts.
I still can't believe what this day means.

How can it be?
How can I have made it this long...
It's getting harder to remember... yet I will never forget.

Oh I wish Elliana could know him.
So many things he has missed...
Life is so incomplete without him.

My heart still hurts so badly
My arms to ache to hold him close.

so many questions unanswered
so many unfulfilled dreams...

But, Life is getting better...
there are many more happy days now.
A new hope, and new vision drives me some how.
I'm determined to see something positive
come from all this heartache and pain.
I refuse to let nothing good come from this tragedy.

The tears still run freely
they come from the depth of my soul.
Yet, not near as often as they used to...

I just can't believe it's been two years
feels just like yesterday
yet it was an eternity ago

Each day I count my blessings
the many gifts I still hold here on earth
May I never take these precious moments for granted
but keep them close in my heart

I choose to keep moving on
One step at a time
A prayer for each moment
strength, comfort, and peace from above

For I know He's not finished with me yet.