They say grief is like waves. I have felt and spoke of this before. Walking along the quiet beach, soaking in the rays and breathing in the fresh air. Things may seem so calm and going well, emotions on low... then WAM! A huge wave comes out of nowhere and knocks you down again.
That's what happened to me yesterday.
It was something I knew would happen. A fact I would need to face.
That all familiar sound.
A Beautiful name.
As I was working with one of our students in a gen ed first grade class, the teacher called on one of her students, a little boy sitting right in the front row. "Yes, Brayden?"
I turned my head, ... thinking I had misunderstood. Could it be?
It was. I heard it again. As I glance over I saw the name on his desk. Same spelling, same name.
I felt a lump in my throat. Yet a smile crept over my face.
How can anyone have that name?
That was My son's name.
That IS my son's name.
Oh how I love that sweet name. How I love the way it sounds and rings in my ears. How I love to see it written as I walk through the halls.
As we went through our special area activities little Brayden wanted to talk to me every few minutes, he sat right next to me at the lunch table and wanted to stay nearby at recess.
As it was time to head back to our classroom, just before closing the door, Brayden ran to the door and grabed on to my leg, giving me a big hug proclaiming "Bye!!"
I couldn't help but smile.
So many emotions raced through my head... as we began to walk back to class I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, the lump in my throat has moved to my stomach.
I wasen't sure how I felt, what to do with it, or what to say.
Just another wave,
another reality to face,
a new hurdle to overcome.
and I did it.