Tuesday, May 28, 2013

The wound that doesn't heal

My heart hurts tonight.  All I did was open the calendar to look at next month and compare schedules/ events.  It's going to be a busy one.  As I filled in some missing info it was suddenly glaring at me in the eye.  June 6th.   The day my world shattered.  The day my dreams were crushed.  The day my heart was broken in two.  How can it be next week already?  Crazy how a date can stab like a knife.  After several years it doesn't feel any better, any different, any easier. How can one day bring such pain such hurt, such emotions?  Another year without you.  Another year of missing you.  Another reminder that your gone.

The last month has been such a roller coaster of emotions.  New opportunities, new successes, hard work paying off.  Exciting events, amazing support, and families and children more aware.  Lives hopefully being saved.  Yet the underlying reason is always the same.  My motivation, my inspiration, my drive... is the one I will never hold again.  In the deep dark moments I can still feel so angry.  I still hurt so badly.  It is still so unfair.

A broken heart is a wound that never heals.  It gets better but never goes away.  The simplest triggers and rip it right open again in the blink of an eye.  It blows in unexpectedly like the wind and knocks you off your feet like a wave.  It crashes hard against the soul.
My wound is open again.  A simple glance of a calender threw off my whole night and my heart hurts.  What I wouldn't give... I miss him more than ever.