Sunday, April 11, 2010

Facing my Fears

"I gain strength, courage and confidence from every experience
in which I really stop to look fear in the face.
I must do the thing I cannot do."
~Eleanor Rossevelt

Another sweet blogger Mom I have begun to follow wrote an incredible post HERE about her sweet JaLaynee Grace. It spoke volumes and I can relate to so much of what she wrote.

It is so true that when we voice our fears, we can begin healing. I also have such a fear of anything to do with swimming. Even bathing is still difficult for me. I am terrified to turn my head from the kids. Nathaniel enjoys "swimming" in the tub, blowing bubbles, putting his face, head in water.. and all of it is hard for me to see. deal with. Ellie uses a seat, but even that is slippery. She wants to be out. To be sitting up playing with toys, etc. and I can't bear the thought of having her out of it. I hate to even let me hand off her while in the tub.
Last summer somehow came and went... I think I was still in a fog. But this year the warm weather is here and summer is fast approaching.
Nathaniel is older, smarter.. faster
Elliana is now walking, into everything, and all over the place.
Our friends have pools, our babysitter goes to her neighborhood pool frequently, water parks will be open, ...
Pools, Oceans, Water... it's everywhere.

I have such a fear and undesire to ever swim again.
Yet, Swimming was such a part of my life.. I was born at the beach. I was in lessons at a very young age and on swim teams throughout my early life.
It's my favorite form of exercise, relazation, and fun.

The thing that I worry most about is Elliana.
The thought of her swimming, is freightening.

So, to face this fear, I have signed her up with a Program called Infant Swimming Resource ISR. This is a very intense, and thorough program that teaches self- rescue tecniques to infants from 6 months old. Through the short, consistant lessons, Elliana will learn to float on her back, grab onto the wall, kick and swim with her face in the water, rolling over as needed to breath/break.. and get herself to the wall, ...
I can only imagine how difficult this will be for me. It is like facing my fear dead on.
Yet, I know it is what I need. I know it is what Elliana needs. Knowing that Ellie has these self rescue skills will help give me a little peace of mind when it comes to her in water.

What I wouldn't give to go back in time... to give Brayden these important skills... he would still be with us here today.

We have decided that because of Nathaniel's age and size and skill level, he will do well with traditional lessons at the local YMCA and we are going to have him signed up early on this summer.
So.. Elliana is all registerd and signed up. Lessons will be each day Mon- Friday for about 3-4 weeks. Due to their intensity the lessons are only 10 minutes each.
I recieved her shirt and swim diaper in the mail. It's sitting on the table and I keep walking past just looking at them. The reality is beginning to hit that she will soon be in the water, in a pool, learning to swim.
It's exciting, and nerve wrecking at the same time. I want so badly to do this. I know that I do not have to do this alone, and I am so thankful for that. I stand in confidence knowing that my God will fill me with His strength, and his peace... and I will choose to remember that I CAN do all things through HIM who gives me the strength.
The time has come to face this fear... to do the thing I cannot do.

For God hath not given us a spirit of fear,
but of power and of love and of sound mind.
II Timothy 1:7


pinksarahh said...

I know it will be hard, but I hope it gives you some peace, knowing she will have some water skills. I will be excited to hear all about it, we live in a very small community that does not offer anything like that or I would be signed up!

Becky Bentz said...

I am praying for you - for God to give you peace through this process as I teach these skills to Ellie.

Know that it was our God who opened the doors and made the provision for me to become an ISR instructor, and that every day I thank Him for this gift, and pray that He might work through me to bless others.

Anonymous said...

What have you all been up to lately? I hope you and the gang are enjoying Spring and getting ready for your Compassionate Friends walk. I have been thinking a lot about you and Jake. I know facing the pool with Ellie and Nathaniel is big deal and pray for you and Jake as you take these steps. Lots of Love, hugs and kisses from the Sniffen gang, Jess
PS. I want to see some current pictures. Send me some once in a while, please ;)

Anonymous said...

I always inspired by you, your thoughts and attitude, again, appreciate for this nice post.

- Thomas