Thankful

Today is Thanksgiving.
We are visiting family and having a nice day. Lots of delicious food. Lots of smiles and laughter. Lots of relaxing.

Yet I'm struggling inside.
I want so badly to be thanful for the many blessings we have.
But My heart is hurting.

How can I be thankful admist all the pain I still feel?
How can I be thankful for family... when I am missing such an important part?
How can I smile and be excited to finally be together with family after so long, when I just feel things are so incomplete?

Brayden should be here.
Brayden needs to be here.
This sucks.
How I wish we could all be together.
How I wish Brayden was able to be apart of making dumplings with Papa and Nathaniel as he should be this year...

How I wish things were different.

But yet I stop... take a deep breath, and commit to opening my eyes and my heart to enjoy and be thankful for all the things we do have.

I am thankful for a place to live... our own house at that!
I am thankful for a wonderful, loving, and supportive Husband, who has stuck with me and by me through the last 12 years...
I am thankful for my children. All three of them.
I am thankful for jobs. (especially in such difficult economic times.)
Most of all, I am thankful for my Heavenly Father. Who loves me more than I will ever be able to comprehend, no matter how much I fail. Who wants the best for me.. a future full of hope. A Father who is my ultimate provider.. and always makes a way. A Father who comforts me and holds me in the palm of His hand. A Father who has everything under control.
I know there is so much more... more than I can even list here...
I am blessed, I am hopeful, I am loved, and...
Today... I will choose to be Thankful.