Sunday, November 8, 2009

Gone too long...

Today sucks. Reality sucks. I miss my baby boy.
I am so thankful for every day, every moment we were able to spend with him.
But it wasen't enough.
Time still moves on... life moves forward.
As hard as it is to fathem that ...

Today marks the time that Brayden has now been gone, longer than he was with us...
That's hard to admit. hard to comprehend.
It brings new fears... fears of feelings of forgetfulness. Of feeling like he will be less and less remembered. I can't seem to find the right words, the right emotions or whatever to make sense of these thoughts and feelings.
The mark of today... It somehow brings fears of his life loosing value. I guess this is really my fear of what others might think, or feel. if that should matter.
But it does.
I want his life to be validated. Remembered. Important.
He was Here... he made a huge impact... and was IS a big part of this family.
No matter how many days, months, and years pass by... the 17 months and one day we were gifted to spend with him will always be just as special. Will always mean just as much, and will be treasured forever.

Not much to be said. Not much to feel. It just sucks.
He's been gone too long.

1 comment:

Nancy said...

I just found your blog...not sure how I stumbled on it honestly. I am so very sorry for your heartache. I know it well, only I lost my precious boy at 19 years old. Time doesn't really matter. My Jamie has been gone 3 years now and I wish I could tell you it gets better, but the truth is, it just sucks. There, I said it. I will pray for you and your family for strength. Sometimes it's all we can really do to get by day to day. (hugs) to you, from one mom to another.