Saturday, August 29, 2009

Windows and Doors

I grew up hearing the phrase "When God closes the door, He will open a window." This has found new meaning with me in the last few weeks.
Life surely has included some unexpected slammed doors that have rocked our life. Things have seemed so unsure for us and it has been hard to have faith, remembering who it is that is in control.
We have truly walked through the fire this past year and there has been too much smoke around to see the future that lies ahead. Yet, God has been faithful, and He has walked with us, held us up, and carried us in the moments we were weak.
Since last summer Jake and I have both said that something good has to come from all this. One of the biggest things that keeps us going is the thought that God can use this situation to touch the lives of others and make a positive difference. It has been hard to see that in the past few months. Life seemed to be getting more difficult and we didn't see any way things were going to get positive amidst all our pain.
Recently God has begin to open new windows for us and allowed His light to shine in for us to get a glimpse of what He has in store. Opportunities far beyond what we thought possible are already beginning to surface. We have been approached by an organization that helps create programs to keep and prevent child accidents. They have asked us to share our story and help raise money to begin new programs in our area. One of the goals is to lower the cost of water safety education and make it more accessible to all families.

Wow... Yeah, ... He really can use Us....

After months and months of struggling to find the support our family needs, we have found a family counselor that has been really helping. We have felt strengthened, encouraged and have gained confidence about how things are going. There are many positive changes we have been able to make for our family and have been challenged in new ways as well. More than I could have imagined this has been great for Nathaniel, and for Jake and I as well. I am so thankful. God always provides... even when its not in our timing.

I have started working full time again. God has provided, once again, more than I could have imagined or asked for. I was offered a contracted position through the school district. I am working with special needs children as I have for the last few years. The huge bonus is that I am now salary... which means confidence in knowing what will be coming every two weeks financially. We will also be able to receive Health benefits right away and will only have to pay HALF what we were paying through Jake's work. On top of it all I can purchase life insurance for Jake, the kids, and myself for pennies a month! His promises are true.. and He will always make a way. Though sometimes His timing is not like ours... and He chooses to allow us to walk through some valleys for a time. Just when things were looking so bad, and life felt ready to collapse around us... God's plan has blown us away.
I have also been in touch with many people about starting a support group for parents who have lost small children. Arrangements are being made and things are looking positive for getting this to happen. I love Compassionate Friends. That group has blessed me and helped me so much over the last year. But.. many of the parents who attend are much older than myself and have lost adult children. The connection is still there... and they understand on a level many others can't.. but it still is not the same.
I hope to be able to connect with others who have lost small children, those who don't have many memories, ... who weren't able to see their children reach many milestones... To share in each others pains, and joys.. to hold eachother up and walk through our journeys together.

I know that God will continue to open the right doors for us. I pray that His Will will be done and that I will have the wisdom and strength to take the steps He has for me to take. I am humbled.. I am blessed... and I am in awe of His faitfulness once again. Lord, forgive me for my doubts. Forgive me for my frustrations and anger. Give me the strength to always put my Trust in You and my increase my Faith in your Truth. Thank you for your promises
Open the right doors and windows that you would have us walk through. Continue to close those doors and windows that are not in your plan.
Your will be done.


McCarty and Company said...

THANK YOU for sharing from your heart. I saw your comment on Mckmama's post today....had gone to your blog and read about your little guy. It touched my heart to the core, as we have a 16 month old grandson. I cannot even begin to imagine your and your family are doing such a great thing by getting the message to others. I will keep you both in my prayers. There has been some things that have been discouraging in my life for the past 15 1/2 years, but nothing that can compare to your loss and heartache. You have made me put my priorities in order. THANK YOU. May GOD BLESS YOU with HIS abundant love and grace. It is not by chance that I came across your blog........HE has done that a very few times for know that it is in GODS plan for me to follow your blog. ;-) In Christ's Love, ~ Donita

pinksarahh said...

I am so glad that you will be able to help others, you have such a great way of speaking and I am so thankful I happened upon your blog. Praying for you.

Jessica said...

I always admire you and your expression of faith. I look up to you and hope to have faith as deep as yours. Love always to you and Jake.ooxx -jess

Kelly said...

I'm so thankful that you started this blog. I'm ashamed that I haven't come to see you, but you're always in my prayers. I miss him too, truly. And our new babies have the same age gap as Brayden & Bella! I love you so much Michelle. We will see you again soon.