Brayden's Sunset...

For Brayden's birthday (Jan. 5th) Jake took off work so that we could be together and do something. Jake's parents were still in town so they spent the day with us as well... Well things were not turing out as we planned and plans kept getting changed. In the end we wound up at the beach... intended on walking down the pier but it was closed by the time we got there. Instead we just happened to be there in time to watch the sunset. I can't remember the last time I saw a full sunset in the open like this and it was so moving and beautiful. I guess sometimes God has plans that don't match ours and this was one of those times. We were frutrated with the kids (Ellie was fussy and Nathaniel has to come home for a nap...) So we didn't get to do what we originally planned. Instead God ordained for us to see this beautiful sight and it was so neat. I'm glad we were there... it really felt like the best way to end this special day...

We also went to the memory garden that morning to place balloons which I really wanted to do ... It was neat to see them blowing in the wind, we could see them all the way from the car.

love you baby boy.. miss you so much!

Family Pictures

One of the Hardest issues for me that has come up is the idea of Family pictures... Those who know me know how much I love pictures and how much they mean to me. Well this year I didn't want to do them. How in the world could we ever do another family picture?!! It would always be missing Brayden and be so hard to look at.. Well all those who love me k now that I would regret not having them done so I was encouraged to try. Since my Brayden bears came in time we decided to use one of them in the picture in memory of Brayden. It is still not the same nor will it ever be and its still difficult to look at but I am glad that we had them done. Still haven't been able to hang them up at home yet.. but I think we will get there. I decided that last years pictures will stay up. This one and the ones to come will just be up with it. My "new normal"and "new family" will always make me think about things differently. But with lots of prayers and encouragement I will be able to celebrate the "now family" that God has given me. As we celebrate this year as the first Christmas and first family shot with Elliana we will also remember the missing void of Brayden. I am so glad to have our special bears at least to include his memory there. Enjoy the pictures.
My favorite was the Christmas background but Jake wanted the neutral one to keep all year... I had to get at least one of the Christmas though so here it is...

My Beautiful Children.... Thank you Jesus for my 3 precious gifts...

The Final Touch....

Well... after a long frustrating wait we finally got the monument placed on Christmas eve. We were hopful it may be up before Elliana was born but one thing after another and it just didn't happen. My ultimate goal was before Christmas so at least we got that. My mom had a fake tree the perfect size she gave me to decorate and we gathered some pointsettia's to fill the vases. I'm really pleased with it. OF course a pinwheel... I hope that we can always keep one here. Love how it looks in the breeze, and such memories of how much Brayden loved them. I can still feel and see the joy and excitement he felt. It was so hard to decide what we wanted on the stone... but in all I think it came out well. Seeing it for the first time was so difficult. Much more emotional than I expected. I knew it would make things feel even more real, more final.. but still was not prepared for how it hit me when I saw it. The verse we chose is Phil 1:3... "I thank my God every time I remember you. " That will always be my Brayden verse and I'm so glad we did that one.

Amazes me how different things feel after loosing Brayden compared to my dad. I hated going to the cemetary... I can prob count on my hands the number of times I have been in 16 years! ... But things are different this time. I find myself wanting to go.. and wanting to be there. Now that the monument is in place I think that I will want to even more. Wanting to keep flowers there and other things... wanting to just sit in silence.. and spend time there. I even sit and talk to Brayden there.. and to God. Strange to explain how it feels.

Well I'm just so thankful that we have things in place now.. and thankful for all the ways we have been blessed through this journey. Thank you God for proving all the means to have this plot, paid off, and this beautiful monument as a tribute to the gift you give us in Brayden.

Its now complete... the final touch in place...

Love you baby boy... Miss you everyday....

Birthday Memorial

..Where to begin.. So much has happened in the last few weeks! I wish I had more time to post. I hop eto catch up on some needed entries soon.

Today was a tough day but went so well. We had a baloon release and planted a memorial tree in homor of Brayden's birthday which is tomorrow. Many of our close friends and family came which meant so much. We are truly blessed and surrounded by such amazing people.

We used the song "Come to Jesus" by Chris Rice and as the final verse talked about flying to Jesus we all let the balloons up and sent them to Brayden.

..I miss you so much baby boy.... We love you and would give anything to have you here with us. Happy Birthday! Hope you enjoyed your balloons!!