Remember

Well the day has come... and just about gone.  It's hard to believe.  I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that it has been FOUR years since my precious baby boy has been gone. 
I miss him so freaking much. 
I wish it still didn't hurt so bad. 

Jake took off work as he always does on this day.  The kids even slept in for us which was an amazing bonus!  We hung around lazy for a bit then decided to get up and out the door to make something of this day.. together.  There was nothing special planned.  No hoop-la, no party, no gathering. 
Just us.
First stop was the cemetary.  We took balloons, a little polkadot stuffed dog, a few new pinwheels and of course had to do pictures.  I felt so guilty realizing how long its been since I brought flowers.  I need to put some together to take out there soon. 

It had gotten to late in the day for our original plans so we quickly decided on heading down to Folly beach to walk out on the pier.  It was incredibly windy but felt nice.  After a night/morning of pouring rain and reduced temperatures, I was encouraged to see the weather clear up and sun come out enough for us to enjoy being outside. 

During a recent visit with a counselor I discussed my fears of forgetting.  I worry so much about how the details seem to disapear over time.  I dread the day that I can't remember the little things about my sweet boy. 
So she challenged my to start making an (ongoing) list.  This is going to be a list of things I remember about Brayden, that I want to be sure to remember or just things that come to mind. 
I do miss my Wednesday's Walk down Memory Lane posts and want to strive to start them again... but for now I will just work on creating this list. 
I will remember him. 

That silly obsession with the bellybutton!
Mr. Drama King and the flinging back of his head as he sighed in frustration over things...
The way he hated the grass on his bare knees and would crawl on his hands and toes.
HIs infectious smile.
The way he LOVED Praise time at church.
The way he cuddled.  The moments he crawled up in my lap in the middle of an activity-- just to give a hug, and hop right back to playing.
The love of BALLS!
The sound of his laughter as he wrestled and tickled with Daddy and Bubby. His determination to ALWAYS fit right in.
The countless nights in the rocking chair... holding my precious one tight putting him to sleep (and fearing putting him down, that he might wake! LoL)
The pacifiers!
The little curls that had just begun to form on the crest of his little neck
Cutting the grass with Daddy!
Sweet potatoes!
The "un" pea face!

I could go on and on... and I will.  In time.  I long to see this list grow and grow with all the amazing memories we have. 
I am so thankful for each moment. 
What I wouldn't give to rock him, hold, him, kiss him, cuddle him... just once more. 

I love you so much baby boy!!! Up to the moon... and back!
Miss you more each day and can't wait till the day I see you again.