Saturday, July 17, 2010

Lost Love.. Reclaimed

I love to swim. Always have. Pools, Beaches, Lakes, swim teams, water parks... they were all a big part of my childhood. Swimming laps is by far my choice and favorite form of excersize. We overjoyed to move 30 minutes from the beach. The chance to raise our children and grow up around the water was almost a dream come true.
...Until that dream, that love was shattered.
I convinced myself that I would never be able to enjoy swimming again. I felt robbed and cheated of something I love so much. It has been 2 years since I have been in a pool.

Over the 4th of July Holiday we made a trip up to Md to see my inlaws, lots of family and friends. It was a very nice time of visiting, relaxing, and catching up. On Monday, we were invited to go out to my sister-in-law's house so all the kids could play. My brother-in-law's uncle lives close by to them and has a really nice in-ground pool. We were invited to join them in going swimming.

...on a beautiful peice of property with a gorgeous view I might add!

At first I was very apprehensive about the idea and wasen't sure if we should. Yet, both the kids just finished their self-rescue swimming lessons with ISR, which I knew would give me some confidence and more peace of mind. We have talked about going swimming together, as a family for months (possible a year) Yet it has not happened.

This past Mother's Day, along with our friends from small group, we went swimming at a community pool. The kids has not taken lessons yet, and it was to be the first time in a "big pool!" I was a nervous wreck about it and could not get myself to get in. So behind the lens of my camera I hid myself, using that as my excuse for not getting in. It was hard to see them swimming, yet I was so thankful they were having such a good time.

Back to Md... I knew I needed to make the plunge. I knew it was time. I wanted to swim, I needed to swim, and this was to be a huge positive healing step for my family. So, I said yes, and we went.

We swam, we laughed, we photographed, and we genuinly had a really good time.

Thanie was such a little fish!! He had a blast and absolutely loved the pool.. and making big splashes jumping in over, and over, ...

Ellie loved it too after playing on the steps for a bit. Especially loved this big raft!

I had a great time.

We swam, in a pool, together, ... and enjoyed ourselves.


God is good.

Though I can't say that I didn't have thoughts, that the guilt didn't creep into my mind. I couldn't help but question how we could possibly be having fun doing something that is so closely related to the death of my precious baby boy. Was it wrong to find joy in something so painful?

Yet by HIS strength, I was put at peace. The story was not finished yet... and my God, the God of all Comfort is in the business of overcoming fears, offering Hope, and giving beauty for ashes.


Thanie showing off his new skills (;

"Cheese!" Lil Miss doing a lil sun bathing like her aunt Jessica !

We have not "arrived." We will never be "over it." But we are moving forward a step at a time, making strides and continuing through the journey. Reclaiming the love of swimming that always meant so much to me. Being made whole and receiving healing beyond what we could have ever imagined.

"Those who sow in tears, will reap Joy."


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